lcionline Chapter 187 Rebirth at the New Year's Poetry Gathering (Northeast Super Satisfying Version)
Chapter 187 Rebirth at the New Year's Poetry Gathering (Northeast Super Satisfying Version)
【Starting with Frozen Pears and Flying Snow】
On the twenty-eighth day of the twelfth lunar month, Zhen Xiaosi sat cross-legged on the heated kang, with her feet on the insoles of "The Great True Handbook of the Mysterious Female" embroidered by her maid Xing Chu.
Outside the window, snowflakes fell like scattered paper money, and inside, the mink-lined curtains were being whipped about by the wind.
"What are you doing? Can't we even have a moment of peace during the New Year!"
"Hey sis! You've got something special going on!"
Xingchu kicked the door open, and ice shards fell from the frozen pear hairpin on her forehead.
"That old rascal Zhou Shun is holding some kind of 'New Year Poetry Gathering' at Chongwen Hall, just to fool young girls!"
Zhen Xiaosi crumpled the Xuan paper containing the poem "Lang Tao Sha Ling" into a ball and threw it at her face:
"What? You want me to write him a New Year's greeting? He's so happy he'll be snotting through his nose!"
"You're crazy!" Xing Chu pulled a bloodstained invitation card from his crotch.
"That old bastard uses poetry to summon souls! Yesterday, Widow Wang recited the line 'Spring breeze is triumphant,' and her peony-shaped forehead mark was ripped off with a 'sizzle'!"
【Cheng - A hodgepodge of Ci poem titles】
The cellar of Chongwen Hall was eerily warm; Zhen Xiaosi was suffocated by the heat as soon as she entered.
Zi'an, fanning herself with a shed pheasant feather fan, leaned closer: "Little sister, today we're playing 'Waves Washing Sand Order,' the loser has to drink talisman water!"
"Drink your grandma's roll!"
A blue flame shot out from Zhen Xiaosi's wrist with a "whoosh," and she shouted, "The Yellow River winds for thousands of miles, is that all? I'll show you what's what!"
The carving knife "snap" split open the book "Biographies of Young Talents" on the table, and a bubbly bead the size of a sticky rice cake fell out of the page.
The young prime minister, Qu Youjiu, squatted in the corner, clicking his teeth: "Go easy on me! This official robe of mine was sewn from rat skin by Xing Chu..."
1. Death Warning for Frozen Pear Hairpin:
Suddenly, the frozen pear hairpin on Zhen Xiaosi's forehead cracked open with a "snap," and shards of ice began to fall off.
"Xingchu! Why does this piece of junk vibrate at the same frequency as Zhou Shun's farts?"
Xing Chu swung the slab used for pickling sauerkraut and smashed it down: "Tiger! This is Qi Imprint Resonance! Old Deng is about to unleash his full power!" Before he finished speaking, Zan...
Zi spat out a stream of frozen pear juice, which condensed into blood-red characters in mid-air: [At the third quarter of the hour of Zi, the poem transforms into a talisman, and the qi seal is collected].
Zhen Xiaosi licked a piece of ice: "Wow, it's a blueberry flavor warning!"
Zhen Xiaosi had a frozen pear hairpin stuck in her hair: (Qi Imprint Fluctuation Detector + Fruit-Flavored Intelligence Station)
2. Cultural defense of mink velvet rag:
Zhou Shun shook his head on stage: "Today's theme is 'The Waves Wash Away the Sand,' and the winner will be awarded imperial wine..."
"May your grandmother have bowlegs!"
Zhen Xiaosi flung a mink rag at his face, and as the rag became damp with drool, it suddenly revealed itself—it was Xing Chuxiu's "Guide to Preventing Scams with Profanity": "Beware of Poetry Contest Scams! Three Rhyming Lines to Get Your Qi Seal!"
Zi'an's pheasant feather fan snapped open, releasing a shamanic spirit that brandished a shamanic drum and began to howl:
"His 'Lang Tao Sha' is a bootleg! The original rhymes in Northeastern dialect!"
Zhen Xiaosi took out a mink fur cloth and started wiping the table: (Text Reveal Mirror + Anti-Fraud Bullet Screen)
3. The overwhelming power of the "Big Shot's Talisman": "Trying to play dirty tricks on me?"
Zhen Xiaosi took out a bowl of thick, frozen corn porridge, dipped her finger in it, and smeared it on the table:
"Heavenly spirits, earthly spirits, Northeast rice has shown its divine power!"
The porridge grains suddenly jumped up and stuck together to form a talisman: [I fear neither mountains of poetry nor seas of words, I'll dry up even the coarse porridge!]
Just as he finished writing, Zhou Shun's jade chamber pot cracked with a "crack": "You fucking used staple food for a blessing?!"
Taking advantage of the opportunity, Xingchu threw out a few robots, twirled them with handkerchiefs, and snatched the half-drawn lotus flower hidden in the chamber pot:
"Hey sis! Why is my birth date and time written on this lotus petal?!"
Yu Zhanmo brought over some corn porridge: (Carbohydrate sealing technique + screen-filling attack)
4. The filthy, hypocritical justice of official robes made of rat skin.
Qu Youjiu's official robe collar was stained with stinky tofu juice when suddenly a swarm of rat phantoms darted out:
"True integrity and uprightness are the best defense against false righteousness!"
The mice squeaked and scurried into Zhou Shun's trouser legs, tearing his manuscript of "Biographies of Young Talents" to shreds.
Ah! My own false moral pronouncements!
Zhen Xiaosi squatted to the side, munching on a frozen pear: "Ninth Brother, if you keep adding a leek flavor to your official robes, you could apply for intangible cultural heritage status!"
Qu Youjiu shook his rat-skin official robes: (Biological Weapon + True Love Eater)
5. The Cross-Server Insult Battle of the Crooked-Neck Tree
A hole suddenly appeared in the roof of the poetry gathering, and a crooked tree sprouting from a frozen pear core peered into its branches, with bark comments flooding the screen:
[Zhou Shun's Old Deng's Cauliflower Brain]
[Writing poetry is not as good as stewing sauerkraut]
Deceiving your daughter is a grave mistake.
Zi'an's shamanic ancestor pulled out his clappers to lend a hand: "With these clappers, let's talk about Zhou Shun..."
Zhou Shun spat out a mouthful of blood onto the "Waves Washing Sand Order," the ink suddenly turning into vermicelli soup: "What kind of sorcery is this?!"
Zhen Xiaosi glanced at the crooked tree: (Real-time bullet screen generator + source of mental pollution)
6. The Fatal Finishing Blow in Northeast Poetry Criticism
"The Yellow River winds nine times and flows ten thousand miles through sand? You must have an intestinal obstruction!"
"Dreaming of not knowing you're a guest? Why aren't you in the ICU!"
"Still shedding tears from yesterday? Your diaper's leaking, hasn't it?"
Xingchu burst out, cursing as he broke off a branch from the "Great Hand Manual" to use as a pointer.
"Listen up, students! This is called 'cultural suppression therapy'! It's a special treatment for stubborn people who refuse to pay tribute to the experts."
Zhou Shun curled up in the pile of broken chamber pots, convulsing:
"Is my grand plan of writing eloquent prose... going to be ruined by this ill-mannered 'little wife's tongue'?!"
"Screw your writing!"
Zhen Xiaosi closed the loop for all the foreshadowing:
Hairpin Warning - Rag Decryption - Big Gravel Solution - Mouse Gnawing on a Book - Honest and Insulting...
Then, he shoved the frozen pear core into Zhou Shun's mouth: "Here's a Northeastern-style flash-freezing treat for you! Shut up, or you'll just accumulate more and more debt!!"
[Transfer - Mink Fleece Assault Formation]
Nan San, holding a frozen persimmon inkstone, began to show off:
"A boat in the rain, lights and shadows, huh? Watch this!"
With a flick of the brush, a rain of ribbonfish suddenly fell from the roof beams.
Zhen Xiaosi grabbed a mink rag as a shield:
"You call this a 'pretending to be cultured' storm? It's just like a seafood market! I'm sharing this!"
All that could be seen were fish of all sizes in Chagan Lake, which made Zhou Shun's bald hat emit green smoke.
The rag was stained with fish blood, and Xiao Si quickly wrote a line of words with a flourish:
"Zhou Shun's timeless remedy recipe—three pounds of shamanic underpants ash!!!"
Hahaha, everyone laughed so hard their teeth fell out.
Zi'an took the opportunity to throw the poppy into the charcoal brazier:
"Trying to act cultured with me? You're still too green. All you can recite is 'Don't cross the river to the east,' right? I'll show you how to cross the Bridge of Helplessness!"
The flame "whooshed" into a Meng Po's sidekick wearing a flowery cotton-padded jacket, carrying a bowl of sauerkraut soup and chasing Zhou Shun all over the house.
【Combined Frozen Pear Core Explosion】
Zhou Shun, chased relentlessly by Meng Po's henchmen, pulled a jade chamber pot from his crotch:
"I still have 'A River of Spring Waves, Drunk and Awake'! You unruly, foul-mouthed brat!! You'd all die!"
The green soup gushing from the chamber pot turned everyone's poems into spells.
Zhen Xiaosi gritted her teeth, making a grinding sound: "You think I'm being arrogant! Don't you!"
He shoved the bowl of frozen pear cores that Xingchu had pickled into "The True Handbook of the Mysterious Female" and blasted out the words "Get lost!"
—The shockwave slammed Zhou Shun into the latrine, shattering the jade chamber pot into pieces.
Qu Youjiu pinched his nose and fished Shun's scum out of the cesspool:
"'You shed tears on your robe yesterday,' is that it? This time, I'll make sure you're covered in dung for eternity!"
Zhen Xiaosi sighed and shook her head. She didn't really want to face it. The beginning of Volume 3 was supposed to be so elegant, but she had to play tricks on the girls. Now it has become a nuclear weapon of swear words and toilet humor, making Zhou Shun a stinking legend.
[Foreshadowing in full swing]
The fragments of Zhou Shun's chamber pot, stained with the lotus flower imprint of the maid Xing Chu, still possessed some aesthetic value and were picked up by Zhen Xiao Si to be used as earrings for the girls in the mountain village.
After the frozen pear core exploded, a crooked tree grew out, its bark pattern resembling an "upgraded version of the 'Great Reality's Cruelest Scumbag Family Tree."
Zi An's pheasant feather fan was actually a shamanic artifact that could summon the ancestors of the shamanic priests, gathering up Kucha Hui and giving Zhou Shun a momentous end.
Qu Youjiu's official robe made of rat skin becomes more powerful the dirtier it is, and it is especially effective against Zhou Shun's feigned seriousness.
Zhen Xiaosi realized: From this point on, the level of filth has been upgraded—all the props are connected to the main plot conspiracy.
Finally, here's a bonus:
"You wrote 'snow-laden fishing boats' as if a sauerkraut jar had frozen solid!"
"Still 'golden yellow after snow'? Why not make some stewed goose with yellow vermicelli on a snowy day?"
"If Li Yu heard your 'Dreams Vanish Without a Trace' nonsense, he'd be turning in his grave! Believe it or not!"
The blueberry juice that Zhen Xiaosi's frozen pear hairpin sprayed out last splattered on the wall, forming Xingchu's complete aura totem—it was actually a Northeastern tigress who was cursing with her hands tucked in her pocket!
Little Si wondered, shouldn't this totem belong to me?