The time of the city

Chapter 245 Dare not die

The next day, the two drove back to the old house. On the way, Mo Yu asked Ni Jiamu to stop the car, saying that she wanted to go to the mall to buy something.

Ni Jiamu stayed in the car and waited. Not long after, Mo Yu came back jumping and carrying a lot of bags.

"I bought these grapes for my mother. This is her favorite variety." Mo Yu's eyes sparkled, her mouth wide open as she handed the bag to Ni Jiamu.

"This is the tea Dad likes to drink." She shook another bag.

"I also bought some small toys for Mantou."

……

Ni Jiamu listened, his knuckles whitening as he gripped the seatbelt, his Adam's apple bobbing a few times, his face instantly turning pale. He subconsciously pulled out his cigarette case, only to open it halfway when he caught a glimpse of Mo Yu's profile. His movements faltered, and he silently put it away.

Mo Yu came back to her senses from her excitement and noticed something strange about Ni Jiamu from the corner of her eye. She frowned slightly and reached out to touch Ni Jiamu's forehead. "Brother, are you feeling unwell? Do you want to go to the hospital?"

Ni Jiamu waved his hand: "It's okay, maybe I didn't sleep well last night."

"Then let me drive. Even though my driving skills aren't very good, I should be able to drive home." Mo Yu unbuckled her seat belt and tilted her head to look at Ni Jiamu.

Ni Jiamu and Mo Yu switched seats. He sat in the passenger seat, looking at the road getting closer and closer to the old house, his fingers unconsciously rubbing the edge of the seat repeatedly.

Finally arriving at the old house, Mo Yu parked the car and rushed downstairs, picking up her belongings. However, Shang Xue and Ni Yuantang were nowhere to be found, and the corners of her mouth, which had been raised, instantly fell.

In the past, every time I went home, as soon as I heard the roar of a car, my parents would come out to greet me.

Mo Yu stood there for a moment, still no one coming out. She clenched the bag in her hand, her lower lip white from biting her teeth, and thought: It seems my parents are still angry about what happened before.

Ni Jiamu stood behind her, his eyes fixed on the rose in the nearby flowerbed. It was Shang Xue's favorite flower, and now it had sprouted many new shoots.

Ni Jiamu walked forward and opened the door. In an instant, sunlight flooded into the house like a tide, illuminating the two black and white photos hanging on the wall.

Mo Yu didn't notice the photo at first. She searched everywhere inside and outside, upstairs and downstairs.

After I finished my walk around, I saw Ni Jiamu still standing in the middle of the gate, his body slightly stiff, as if he was frozen in place.

Mo Yu carried her things and walked over quickly to ask, "Brother, are Mom and Dad going on a trip again? Why are all their things put away? Where's Mom's favorite tea set on the dining table? Their slippers are gone in the shoe cabinet, and Mom Wang isn't home either."

Ni Jiamu pursed his lips, his jawline straight, remained silent, and just stared at the photos on the wall.

Mo Yu walked over, following his gaze. For a moment, she felt as if her breath had been taken away. The things in her hands fell to the ground, and the grapes in her pockets rolled out one by one, covering the entire floor. A few grapes were smashed, and the air was filled with the sweet, slightly pungent smell of grapes.

Mo Yu's lips trembled, and her fingers pointed stiffly at the photo: "Brother... why... why are there black and white photos hanging in the house? This is so... so unlucky." Two tear marks flowed straight down her cheeks.

Ni Jiamu turned his face away, took a deep breath, and tried to suppress the trembling in his voice: "Xiaoyu, my parents passed away."

Although the voice was not loud, Mo Yu heard it clearly: "When I left a year ago, Mom was still in good health. Although Dad was sick, it was not that serious..." Her eyes widened, full of disbelief.

"Is it because of me?" Mo Yu raised her head, her eyes red as she stared at Ni Jiamu. "Brother, is it because of me that my parents...left?"

Ni Jiamu's Adam's apple rolled, and he finally turned his face away, avoiding Mo Yu's gaze: "It's not you."

Mo Yu's legs softened, she covered her face, and slowly sat down on the ground along the door frame: "Then how could they..."

Ni Jiamu squatted in front of Mo Yu, gently placed his hands on her shoulders, and opened his arms: "Come, hug me."

Mo Yu obediently threw herself into his arms, her whole body shaking with tears, her shoulders heaving. Ni Jiamu patted her back again and again, his voice choked with sobs: "Xiao Yu, before, there was only me in this family. Now that you're back, there are two of us. I'm not afraid anymore. Xiao Yu, you're all I have."

The two decided to live in the old house from now on. It has everything and they can move in directly.

During her conversation with Ni Jiamu, Mo Yu learned that Xiaoxue had also passed away, just six months earlier. Xiaoxue was elderly and had a malignant tumor. The pain she suffered during the later stages of treatment was so severe that Ni Jiamu couldn't bear it and ultimately euthanized her.

Ni Jiamu lowered his eyes, his voice a little hoarse: "Xiaoxue was still thinking about you before she died. She kept holding your blanket in her mouth and wouldn't let go. In the end, I buried the blanket with her."

Mo Yu felt her heart throb with pain, her eyes reddening again. She bit her lower lip and said, "It's all my fault for not being with you." She clutched the corner of her clothes tightly with both hands, feeling nothing but guilt. After a pause, she continued, "What about the steamed buns?"

Ni Jiamu raised his hand and slapped his head hard, his voice hoarse: "It's all my fault. I was immersed in sadness during that time. I drank all the time and even forgot to close the window. When I found out, the steamed buns were gone."

"It's my fault. I'm sorry, brother." Mo Yu lowered her head, tears welling up in her eyes again and dripping onto the ground.

Mo Yu couldn't imagine how Ni Jiamu had managed to get through this year. No wonder he'd taken up smoking. If it were her, she would have been unable to bear it and taken her own life long ago. Thinking of this, Mo Yu felt a growing sense of guilt.

As Ni Jiamu drank water, Mo Yu noticed the scar on his wrist. Her pupils suddenly constricted, and she recalled what Ni Jiamu had said, "You almost killed me."

Her breath hitched, and she suddenly grabbed Ni Jiamu's hand, rubbing it repeatedly. The scar was very thick, and looked like it was left by multiple injuries.

Mo Yu's eyes were red, and her voice was trembling: "Brother, you...you have committed suicide?"

Ni Jiamu forced a wry smile and raised his hand to ruffle Mo Yu's hair: "Xiao Yu, I'm not as strong as you think. I've attempted suicide twice."

"The first time was after my mother's funeral. I thought about how my parents were gone, and you were gone too. I was so scared of being alone that I didn't want to live anymore."

Ni Jiamu's eyes were empty, as if lost in memory: that day, he dismissed all the servants and cooked a table of food in the evening. There were four chairs, but only one was occupied.

He even contacted the funeral home in advance: "I didn't want to contact them at first, but I was afraid that the body would be discovered after it had started to stink. Then the neighbors would definitely scold me, and the housing prices in the area might also be affected."

Ni Jiamu said this half-jokingly, but when Mo Yu heard it, her heart felt like it was being cut by a knife.

He looked at the family photo with a determined look in his eyes and cut his wrist without hesitation. Just as a few drops of blood dripped, Xiaoxue rushed in, barking at him non-stop and biting his clothes to drag him out.

"At that time, I looked at Xiaoxue and felt so sorry for her. I was her only owner, but I was going to abandon her. So I thought, I will leave her after she dies of old age. So I went to the hospital."

Ni Jiamu's second suicide attempt occurred after Xiaoxue's death and Mantou's disappearance.

He clenched his fists, his knuckles turning white. "I felt like a failure. I couldn't save you and Mom and Dad, nor could I save Xiaoxue. I even lost the steamed buns. At that moment, I completely lost all my worries."

So he cut again, heavily, along the scar that had healed last time.

"How did you survive that time?"

"Leng Xiyan said you're still alive. She told me that you went to find Xiao Hecheng. Xiao Hecheng survived in an almost impossible situation, so you must be alive too."

Ni Jiamu let out a long sigh, his eyes revealing the relief of having survived a disaster. "That's why I don't dare to die. I'm afraid that if I die, when you come back, you'll be left with no family. If you're wronged, there'll be no one to support you."

There is a line in Once Upon a Time in America: "When I feel tired of this world, I will think of you. The thought that you are alive somewhere in this world makes me willing to accept it all."

The same goes for Ni Jiamu. Even if the possibility of Mo Yu being alive is only one in ten thousand, he dare not die, and cannot die.